News Flash!

“Marijuana is dangerous and has no medicinal benefit.”
— White House drug czar Gil Kerlikowske, at a Fresno, Calif., press conference yesterday.

If this is change I can believe in, why are the morons still in charge?

Fuck you, Gil! Marijuana is not dangerous, and it has numerous proven medicinal benefits. Volumes of information exist attesting to marijuana’s efficacy in treating many ailments, but you obviously haven’t been curious enough or sincere enough in your job to apprise yourself of the facts.

You’re either a fucking ignoramus or a fucking liar. One or the other. But you can change that; you can educate yourself on the subject, or you can start telling the truth. In the meantime, Gil, spare us any more of your ignorant, disingenuous bullshit. Resign your position, immediately.

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What Would a Ferengi Think?

As it turns out, a lot of the things I’ve never owned are things I didn’t need in the first place. A credit card. A cell phone. An iPod, Game Boy, BlackBerry, or PlayStation 3. A snow machine, a personal water craft, or an ATV. A Ferrari. All kinds of stuff. But foremost among them the credit card, because ownership of that little item would have made it too easy to acquire all the other stuff. Truly, credit cards are the bane of the American middle class.

A wise man (or maybe it was a wise-ass) once cautioned that the amount of a person’s possessions always increases to fill all of the space available for storing them, in turn creating a positive feedback loop and endless cycles of acquisition and expansion.

But, hey, don’t take my word for it. Check out George Carlin as he talks about stuff; his stuff, your stuff, my stuff, our stuff, everyone’s stuff:

George Carlin, “Stuff”

And Bill Hicks tells us who to blame:

Bill Hicks, “Marketing”




Two late, great comedians who clearly understood what it means to be a debt slave.

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Breathing Water in Shadow Country

Late last Wednesday afternoon, I finally finished writing my review of Breathing Water, a novel by Timothy Hallinan, and posted it online. With that belated accomplishment behind me, I fired off a brief e-mail to Tim to reassure him that the ARC he sent to me in early June had indeed fulfilled its purpose. A return e-mail from Tim graced my inbox on Thursday morning; his message said, in part:

“So THAT's why I became a writer. Reactions like this make it all worthwhile, even the days (weeks) when it's impossible to write a simple declarative sentence. Weeks like this one, in fact.”

You see, Tim frequently alludes to his struggles with writer’s block, an affliction that affects most writers (with the possible exceptions of Dean Koontz and Stephen King) at one time or another during their careers. I, too, struggle with writer’s block—usually on a daily basis—and I tend to regard any day that I’m able to add at least a single finished paragraph to whatever project I happen to be working on to be a highly productive day.

Unfortunately, when it came to writing my Breathing Water review, I couldn’t attain even that low standard. Having written more than two dozen reviews—none of which took longer than two or three days to write—I reasonably expected this one to emerge in a comparable time frame. But it just. Wasn’t. Gonna. Happen.

But let me begin at the beginning. When the Breathing Water ARC arrived at my door, on June 3^rd, I was about a 100 pages into the second of two books I’d checked out of the local library a couple of weeks earlier, and I needed to finish it before starting another. Five days after its arrival I began reading Breathing Water, which I finished reading six days later. In the meantime, I’d returned the borrowed books to the library and checked out two more.

For me, the problem with having an unread book on hand (and no other reading in progress) is that I can’t wait to start reading it. As soon as I closed the covers on Breathing Water, I immediately launched into reading Shadow Country, a huge, rambling novel (892 pages), by Peter Matthiessen, about the fictional E.J. Watson’s life in the Florida Everglades during the late 19^th and early 20^th centuries. And that’s when things really started to bog down.

Instead of banging out the review when plot and characters were still fresh in my mind, I procrastinated. And, as I became mired ever deeper in Shadow Country’s complexities of plot and character, my memories of the sequence of events in Breathing Water became hopelessly scrambled. When I was finally ready to start writing the review, I discovered I wasn’t ready to write the review; no way was I going to write a coherent review based on a quicksand foundation of fading memories. My only solution was to read Breathing Water a second time.

It proved to be a wise decision. A second reading not only refreshed my memory of Breathing Water, it restored my enthusiasm for the story and gave me a new appreciation of Tim’s writing skills. Even minor details that had somehow escaped my attention in the first go round took on new meaning and greater importance. Take Breathing Water’s opening sentence*, for instance:

“The man behind the desk is a dim shape framed in blinding light, a god emerging from the brilliance of infinity.”

Powerful imagery born of pure genius. The first time I read those words I thought, oh, that’s good, Tim. The second time I read those words I thought, oh, now that’s just absofuckinglutely brilliant. Compare Breathing Water’s opening sentence with another great and memorable opening sentence, this from Stephen King’s The Gunslinger (first book in The Dark Tower series):

“The man in black fled across the desert, and the gunslinger followed.”

To my mind, these are two of the best story openings ever written; they’re the kinds of story openings whose raw energy draw in readers and help to create legions of fans for the authors who write them. And when such powerful, well written openings are backed up by equally powerful, well written stories, the results are—more often than not—spectacular.

Stephen King already knows this.

So does Timothy Hallinan.

*The Breathing Water ARC is an unedited, pre-publication version of the story, so I can’t say with absolute certainty that this beginning will make the final cut. What I can say with absolute certainty is that if it doesn’t make the final cut, Tim has an idiot for an editor.

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Que Sera, Sarah

The good news out of the north is that Sarah is resigning her position as Alaska’s governor, effective in late July. While Alaskan wolves cheer her decision, much speculation ripples over, around and through the Intertubes as to why; she’s quitting so that she can make a run for the Presidency in 2012; she’s quitting in order to avoid a huge scandal (this is the one I’m betting on). But, who cares? Either way, it’s all good.

Lest you think that she has the critical thinking skills necessary to lead anything more significant than a Founder’s Day parade, consider this gem from Sarah Palin’s speech announcing her resignation:

“. . . the world needs more ‘Trigs’, not fewer.”

Huh? In a world that’s already heavily overpopulated, we need more babies? And more of those babies should be afflicted with Down syndrome? What are you thinking?

You’re wrong, Sarah! And I have a hunch that it’s not your heart a fair number of Alaskans want, but your head. On a pike. In the town square. At noon, tomorrow.

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Oregon: Home of Legal Hemp?

Four years ago, I sent the following open letter to Oregon Governor Ted Kulongoski and various others among Oregon's elected and/or appointed public officials:

Consumers and producers alike will more readily accept any plan or method used to reduce, limit, or otherwise control greenhouse gas emissions if it can be shown to have multiple uses, provide multiple benefits and generate multiple income streams. One such methodology involves the use of cannabis hemp, which appears to be the best single approach to minimizing greenhouse gas emissions. But, as ludicrous as it is ironic, it’s illegal to grow the one plant that could do the most to save the planet from global warming. Am I the only one to think we have our priorities wrong?

Growing cannabis in a natural environment is a straightforward process requiring no herbicides and few, if any, pesticides. The only soil requirements relate to pH, plant nutrient levels, moisture availability and drainage.

Farmers choosing to grow cannabis could benefit in numerous ways. Because it restores the soil in which it’s grown rather than depleting it, cannabis makes an excellent rotation crop, allowing farmers to avoid “fallow field” syndrome. 100% of arable land could be planted every year. Due to cannabis hemp’s many uses and the fact that virtually no part of a hemp plant is wasted, it’s unlikely that cannabis would ever be subject to market price fluctuations. Annual farm income and profitability would rise accordingly.

Cannabis hemp is a perfect vehicle for biological sequestration because it produces more biomass, in less time, than any other multiple-use plant capable of growing in the Northern Hemisphere. The U.S. Department of Agriculture’s Bulletin No. 404, issued in 1916, reported that one acre of land planted in hemp would produce 4.1 times more cellulose, over 20 years, than an equal amount of land planted in trees.

Legalized cannabis could revitalize Oregon’s economy by creating new industries, or recreating old ones. Paper, plastics, textiles, biomass fuels, food, medicine, building and construction materials and protective coatings and finishes are just some of the products that can be made from cannabis. There are thousands of others. New industries would help alleviate Oregon’s chronic unemployment problem, and bring in new tax revenues to help fund education and health care.

Oregon’s colleges and universities could research new uses for cannabis hemp, and develop new, energy-efficient technologies for producing cannabis-based products. Solar stills capable of producing fuel-grade alcohol in commercial quantities would be particularly useful, as would small-scale versions suitable for home use. Private industry would find profitability in developing and manufacturing hemp harvesting and processing machinery. As demand for hemp and hemp-based products spreads across the nation and around the world, new markets are sure to open.

Biomass fuels, particularly alcohol (ethanol and methanol) and biodiesel made from cannabis could be processed on-site, where the hemp is grown, or at other nearby processor locations to serve local communities, thereby reducing fuel transportation costs. Alcohol fuels are exceptionally clean burning, leaving behind only carbon dioxide and water as combustion byproducts. As a result, alcohol-fueled engines last longer, require less maintenance and fewer oil changes than do their gasoline-fueled counterparts.

Cannabis hemp uses fewer chemicals during its growth cycle, and fewer chemicals during paper manufacturing processes, meaning that the saved chemicals aren’t introduced into the environment. Additionally, fabrics made from hemp are stronger, warmer, more absorbent and more durable than are fabrics made from cotton. Hemp fabrics can be recycled into paper at the end of their life cycles, and hemp paper can be recycled many more times than can wood pulp paper, which translates into less energy used in manufacturing processes, and less toxic pollution entering the environment.

In any event, Oregon should explore every avenue and pursue every means possible in its quest to reduce greenhouse gas emissions and halt global warming. Any action taken that also reduces or eliminates other types of environmental pollution is to be commended, and encouraged.

Oregon is at a crossroads, of sorts. Our state can seize the initiative and lead the country in curbing greenhouse gas emissions and combating global warming, or it can follow the lead of others whose methods and decisions may be less wise or less effective. Oregon has a unique opportunity to create for itself a sustainable culture based on a sustainable economy. Oregon has the chance to become the world’s poster child for environmental sanity, and I urge Oregon’s leaders not to forfeit this opportunity, nor to squander it.

Signed,

Phil Hanson

While I'm neither naive enough nor vain enough to believe my letter played any part in influencing Oregon House members to pass HB 676 on Monday, I do see passage of the bill as vindication; it's nice to know that I was ahead of the curve on this one.

And, although Oregon doesn’t lead the pack on the hemp legalization issue, we Oregonians can take a small measure of solace in the fact that Oregon is positioned much closer to the front of the pack than it is to the rear.

When sanity returns, healing begins.

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"Breathing Water" (again)!

And here's a Breathing Water trailer, courtesy of Shadoe Stevens, Tim Hallinan, and YouTube:



Oh, yeah, the story is paced just about that fast.

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The Things I Do . . .

The following is Technorati-speak for "I own this fucking blog" (or something similar):

cih3uz76kt

It's code, and because it's code one must presume that it's secret code, so don't tell anyone, okay?

Aiee-yi-yi, the things I do to promote this blog. Downright annoying at times, sometimes even embarrassing. Oh, well, one does what one's gotta do.

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A Blog in Transition

Whenever Tarleisio, my favorite blogger and also a good friend to this blog, posts a new article on MoltenMetalMama (or a new recipe on The Idiot’s Éclair), it becomes my top priority to hasten on over there to read what she has to say. Few people writing in (on?) the blogosphere today write with as much eloquence, emotion, poignancy, enthusiasm and skill as does she.

Such was the case a couple of weeks ago when she posted Singular Epiphanies. I hastened, read, and then scrolled back to the top of the page to begin reading it again. That’s when I noticed that she’d changed the wording on her blogroll link to Fried Dog Leg from “Another blog I follow” to “The Fried Dog Leg Guide to Life.” And that’s (bless your huge Viking heart, Tarleisio) when I had a singular epiphany of my own.

Like life itself, blogs are—or should be—works in progress; without constant activity—a frequent stirring of the pot, if you will—stagnation quickly sets in. And so it’s been for Fried Dog Leg. For too long I’ve felt that this blog has become much like a rudderless sailing ship, adrift in the Doldrums, without a freshening breeze to fill its sails. It wanders aimlessly, goes nowhere fast, and generally fails to live up to my original expectations of it.

From the outset I envisioned Fried Dog Leg as a humor blog, and the title—an irreverent corruption of Firedoglake—lent promise to that vision. It was never my intention to imitate Firedoglake or to duplicate its content in any way; no way can I compete with Jane and her crew, all of whom possess better political acumen than I—and the resources necessary to churn out first-rate political content all day long, day after day after day. No, my intention was to do something original. Something funny.

Sadly, I discovered early on that I couldn’t write funny consistently. Many of the topics I choose to write about don’t lend themselves well to the humor treatment; they’re far too serious and much too important to be dealt with lightly, and any attempt to inject humor into them is to minimize their importance and deny them the respect they need for people to take them seriously. Then, too, frequent bouts of depression—no doubt brought on by our ongoing national decline—show a marked tendency to stifle humorous expression. No surprise there, though, as depression typically shows utter contempt for anything with a humorous bent. (But that’s not to say that humor won’t find its way into these pages from time to time.)

To my way of thinking, the best way out of this dilemma is to make a few changes—some subtle, some obvious—to my whole approach to writing and maintaining this blog. For starters, I’ll put more effort into writing about the things that stoke my passions; marijuana legalization, the environment, sustainable communities, and the building of new institutions to replace those that no longer work.

Look for me to post more videos (up to now blogging has, for me, always been about the writing); occasional short excerpts—when they show keen insights about the society in which we live—from books I’m currently reading or have recently read, and to share personal stories, thoughts, ideas, insights and opinions about the many challenges now facing humankind. And, of course, I’ll be posting links to other sources and resources and calls to action, and to other bloggers who carry the torches of human progress.

As Fried Dog Leg moves forward, I’ll plead with you to face reality and to open your mind to new ideas, and try to convince you that making voluntary lifestyle changes now is easier and less painful than having those changes thrust upon you in a time and place not of your choosing. Whether you like it or not, whether you want to or not, you will soon be dealing with the inevitable (as will we all). The whole world has entered crisis mode, and the only chance for survival is to stop doing the things that led to this crisis and start doing the things that will lead us out of it.

When a pokkalips puts a liplock on your ass, you need to have as many tools at your disposal as possible in order to deal with the aftermath. Fried Dog Leg aims to provide you with an important tool to assist in that essential undertaking.

Call it the Fried Dog Leg Guide to Life.

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Be a Hero, Help Save the World

The three most important things you can do in your lifetime (and you can do them all today):

1. Watch this video;

2. Join MRPP (Marijuana Re-legalization Policy Project);

3. Help spread the word!

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A Matter of Perception

Visualize, if you will, a glass filled to exactly 50% of its capacity with water (or milk, or tomato juice—or sand, for crying out loud). How do you see the glass?

Some people see the glass as half-empty. We call these people pessimists.

Other people see the glass as half-full; we call them optimists.

Still others—a precious few—see the glass as being precisely twice as big as it needs to be to do the job required of it. We call these observant, critical-thinking realists troublemakers and malcontents, and relegate their ideas to obscurity because they had the audacity to point out the obvious.

And far too many people have the audacity to wonder why things either always stay the same or get progressively worse.

Call them stuck on stupid.

More of the same ol’ same ol’ isn’t gonna fix anything; never has, never will.

How many times must they learn that lesson before it sticks?

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